Stay hungry. Stay foolish.

「妳以為我喜歡忙嗎？我這麼辛苦，還不都是為了我們的未來！」曾經我也被相同的話訓斥的啞口無言，自責於自己的不夠體貼，現在我覺得那只是逃避責任的一種藉口罷了。愛一個人要及時，不該等有空，再怎麼忙也都要保持互動。

他向來說自己忙，哪有空陪她？其實他有的是時間，只是不肯花在她身上罷了。大學時代，他總是忙著唸書和社團，好不容易等到寒暑假，他又忙著打工賺錢。那時他家中經濟拮据，唸書和打工是為了獎學金和賺學費。這些都是事實，也是當理由，她覺得自己應該做個體貼的女友，所以也不強求他花時間在她身上，甚至盡力為他分憂解勞。

畢業後，他和幾個朋友合夥開了一間小公司，她則在出版社找了一份畫插圖的工作。創業維艱，白手起家非常辛苦，所以她不但替他處理家務，還每天送便當和宵夜到公司給他，每次都只是聊兩句就走了，深怕耽誤他的時間。他的同事們都誇她體貼又得體，將來必定是個賢妻良母；她也有點沾沾自己，認為自己的付出受到了肯定。

公司的營運終於步上常軌，照理說，他應該有空陪她了，可是他卻說：「我希望在三十歲以前，有自己的車子和房子，還有足夠的存款，這樣才能安心、沒負擔地結婚。」於是他變得更忙、更拼了，就連她送便當到公司去，也常常見不到他。相較之下，她覺得自己像是遊手好閒。

交往五、六年了，她漸漸發覺自己總是在孤單寂寞中渡過，每年的生日、情人節、聖誕節，都是自己一個人和電視機一起渡過。同事們總笑說她的男友只是個「傳說」，甚至還有朋友懷疑她是否真的有男朋友。這些日子以來，她的體貼和識大體，除了換來男性朋友們的稱讚，和姊妹淘們的同情之外，什麼也沒有。

於是，她開始對他做出小小的「反應」，但總被他的好言相勸給抑制下來。「今天的辛苦，是為了明天的幸福啊！」「兩個人整天黏在一起，反而更快、更容易分手呢！」情人節，在她萬般請求之下，他才終於答應晚上陪她到陽明山看夜景。她殷殷期盼了一個多星期，卻因為一通朋友要他去應酬的電話，粉碎了這個夢。再也按捺不住這幾年來的孤單寂寞，她邊哭邊抱怨著、訴說著自己的委屈。

「妳以為我喜歡忙嗎？我這麼辛苦，還不都是為了我們的未來！」此話一出，她變得啞口無言。他不肯放手，而她也還沒準備好離開，可是現狀卻毫無改善。但是不甘願的種子已經在她心裡種下，生根發芽，等待開花結果的一天。

他有工作、有朋友、有應酬，所以他沒有空。這些她也有，只是她長期選擇待在家裡、守著電話、等待他的來電、讓自己隨傳隨到，而推開了工作和朋友。現在，她不想再獨守空閨、癡癡地等他臨幸，不再劃地自限，決心找出自己的一片天。她不再為他送便當和宵夜，寧可窩在辦公室裡邊啃麵包邊畫插圖，或是想想新點子；她也不再每天按時打電話問候他了，寧可和姊妹淘們喝咖啡、聊是非，或是花時間打扮自己，更添自信。

他漸漸發覺自己忙碌的生活裡，似乎少了些什麼，但總想不出到底是少了什麼。半個月過去，他才驚覺是少了她。心血來潮撥了通電話，卻被潑了桶冷水。

「我現在沒空，明天要交稿，我現在要趕稿。」說完，她立刻掛上電話。他想，她總算有些事情可以忙，就不會常常埋怨他沒時間陪她了。各自忙碌的生活又過了兩、三個月。這天，他談成一筆大生意，心情正好，想找她慶祝時，卻再度吃了閉門羹。

「我現在沒空，等一下要開會。最近應該也都沒空。」開會？他從來都不知道她那份悠閒的畫圖工作需要開什麼會。原來她的插圖受到讀者歡迎，出版社打算為她出版一系列的圖畫筆記書。

又過了一個多月，他終於買了夢想中的新車。想起和她久未見面，決定開車帶她出去兜兜風。

「我現在沒空，要趕著去新書發表會。」
「我載妳去！」
「不用了，總編輯會送我去，我現在沒空。」

他再也無法忍受了。他們已經兩個多月沒有見面了，每次打電話給她，她總說沒有空，就匆匆掛上電話。以前的她不是這樣的，這到底是怎麼回事？

「妳到底還當不當我是妳的男朋友？妳到底愛不愛我？」
「我現在沒空，等我有空再愛你吧！」

按下結束通話鍵，她將手機丟到皮包裡，交給身旁的出版社總編輯，準備走進新書發表
會的會場。

「男朋友嗎？」
「不再是了。」
「那麼....簽名會結束後，妳有空嗎?」
「只要你有空，我隨時都有空。」她笑著說。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

麥斯威爾咖啡的廣告曾說：「再忙也要和你喝杯咖啡。」現在我們的生活是處於忙碌狀態，但是你是否忘了你的另一半呢？或許事情有輕重緩急，但是我們將心比心來看，你是否也希望遭此對待呢？不要將自己的另一半，總是排在最後，等到你想到之時...可能往事只能回味了∼

好好珍惜你所能把握的，愛惜你所能擁有的。

I think about it very seriously, you are not capable to give me what I want...

Internet connection in my room is totally fuck up
plan to fix it at 8:35a.m. this Fri.
Hope I can online in my room at that time

Loads of homework to do this weekend, many many things due on Monday, and a lot of tests and exams.....mami ar.....exhausted la~ =(

Sometimes you really cannot imagine how small this world is, how come this things can be happened to my friends? I don't understand and I don't wanna try to find out the reason too, just feel a bit weird....because of this unexpected event.

Trying not to be a lazy gal, but....hell....can't do it well, really fuck up in my classes, shit! Sometimes i cannot help thinking about that, is it I overestimate myself? Yea....I cannot blame anyone for this, esp. there are many people gave me advices before I made this decision. So now, I have to bear all the responsibility....and....try my best to do the best!

I can't remember where I read this sentence, but it's a really good sentence, "You do the best, God do the rest."

I hope it is not too late for me to do something for it now.... just see what will happen in the future...

Lent....to give up something that you really love....for a week...or for your whole life?

Give up because you love....saddest thing in the world, but that's the rule!

Havent updated my blog for a long long time, need to say sorry to all you guys! -.-"

So many things happened in this month, first of all, is my birthday! Thanks so much to all of you, I am so lucky to have friends like you guys. Even I am in the United States, I dun really feel lonely, coz I know I have YOU! Whenever I check my mailbox, whenever I find a red paper inside (a paper reminds me that i have a package), I know that I am a beloved one =) you guys treat me too good, seriously, sometimes, too touching even make me wanna cry! =) Anyway, thanks so much for all your cards, your birthday gifts and all you bless! I like them so much, and I promise I will cherish them and put them in my heart! I love you all~

On the day of Jan 27, we had a Chinese New Year Night here in VU. So glad that the program could run smoothly, and everyone seemed to have fun and enjoyed it so much =) The most suprising thing was that, at the end of the event, Alex (the M.C.) suddenly said on the stage, "hey, today is one of our friend, maggie's b.day, so let's sing a b.day song to her together!" Woo....and then all the people in the room sang together....FOR ME! T-T sooo touch!! I really really appreciate that! Thank you you guys!

Other than that is my school life. Maybe it is really too hard for me to study 21 credit hours this semester, especially when I need to study chem and cal. chemistry, i think i learned it before, actually it is about something really basic like atoms, ions, and bondings....sth like that, but really dunno why....i am so suck in it! Sigh~~~ what can I do? Probably nothing else but study hard, rite? Luckily I have some tutors here ( thx Ed, Junghwa, Kyle and Vincennes), they help me a lot! =)